Thursday, August 5, 2010

So you wanna go to the DPS?

First, I assume it's more due to a *need* to go to the DPS and less a *want* to go to the DPS.

Sure, the DPS (oh, that's Department of Public Safety, bee tee dubs) is a very good place for great people watching, true, but beyond that, it's just teeming with feelings of frustration and anger. Yes, anger, and I'll get to that in a moment.

In the interest of providing something useful, here are my tips for navigating the DPS.

1) Bring a cooler stocked with refreshing beverages, snacks and maybe even a hearty meal. Better to be over-prepared than under, in this circumstance.

2) Think of every single official governmental piece of documentation you have ever received in your life. That's right, every single one. Your birth certificate? Grab it. Your marriage certificate? Yup. That state ID you picked up that time someone stole your driver's license on Bourbon? That, too. If you have some recent blood tests proving you're O+, better add them to the pile. Surely, the Social Security card goes without saying.

3) Don't forget your insurance card and car registration. May as well toss your emission's test into the mix.

4) A camera or, better yet, a camera phone with a direct link to your twitter account. How else are you going to capture the super-snazzy harem pants of your co-DPS-line-waiter? Or the uber-cute 80-year-old-married couple dragging along matching lawn chairs?

5) Speaking of co-DPS-line-waiters, here's a fun tip to pass the time: count the number of disgruntled masses. Make a game of it... one point for someone who's simply seething. Two points for someone verbalizing their complaints. Three points everytime storms out of the building angrily. 500 bonus points for the physical removal of disgruntled person by the Sheriff's Department!

In short, folks, the 5 hours you're about to spend applying for your Texas driver's license or state ID or renewing your driver's license are hours you'll never forget.

Especially not if you wait 2 hours in line, only to make it up to the front and be told that you're missing 1 of the 25 pieces of proof of citizenship required, "... so, please come back again tomorrow."

Oh. What. Joy.


Christy said...

Ha! Awesome! Most excellent advice.

I spent 2 hours in line at the DPS to get a new license after I got married... only to get the license in the mail and find that it still had my maiden name on it.

So I went back, waited in line for 2 more hours. When I finally got to the front of the line, they said "gee, why didn't you tell us, you could have skipped the line." Um, thanks, REAL helpful. AND they had to retake my picture - so now I have a very angry picture on my license - great reminder of that day.

I'm sort of tempted to "lose" it and get another (because the pic is that bad), but I don't think I can deal with them again.

ashley-cita said...

Oh my word. If it comes through with an incorrect name on it, y'all will hear me scream from here to Amarillo.

You poor thing!

Honestly, before I went and waited in line, I did think "well, if the photo is bad, then I'll just 'lose' it and get another."

Now? On pain of death will I avoid another trip, lol!